


Pages of You

by gameofthorins



Category: The Hobbit, Tolkien - Fandom
Genre: Fluff, M/M, just a lot of cuteness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-22
Updated: 2013-02-22
Packaged: 2017-12-03 05:56:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/694918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gameofthorins/pseuds/gameofthorins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ori knows how he feels about Kili but he also knows that he's much too scared to ever act on them. Why would someone from the line of Durin even give him a chance? Kili, though, has a soft spot for this cardigan-wearing scribe and with a little help from Fili, they both find comfort in each other and the knowledge that even though nothing about this quest is certain, their love is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Surprises

It was the second week of their journey and so far things were going well. They were out the Shire lands and well on their way to the Misty Mountains, although Ori had a feeling they would be stopping by Rivendell despite Thorin’s enmity towards all the elves. It was well past noon and the day had been rather dreary, although blessedly dry this time. Boredom was the primary problem of the young dwarf, though. His brother Dori had given him countless lectures beforehand about the dangers of the Wild and the need for caution at all times, but so far nothing even remotely exciting or adventure-like had happened yet.

 

Since there wasn’t much else to do while riding or camping, Ori spent a lot of his time thinking and writing in his journals. Yes, journals: one for the documentation of the trip and one for the documentation of Ori’s thoughts, feelings and sketches, of which there were plenty. Ori was in the middle of a daydream when he heard Thorin’s strong baritone voice shout for them to halt and get ready to make camp. Ori always looked forward to stopping because it gave him time to write and draw and daydream without worrying if he might fall off his pony or hit a low-hanging branch. “Fili, Kili, watch the ponies!” Thorin barked at his two young nephews. Ori wished Thorin weren’t so harsh on them, he really quite liked them, although one of them a bit more than the other. Well…maybe more than a bit.

 

The youngest member of the line of Durin had caught his attention from the moment he first laid eyes on him. The dark, flowing hair almost the same color as his uncle’s , though softer and shinier; the intense gaze and lean build, characteristic of that family; and lastly that smile, which lit up his features, and Ori’s heart. Ori was friendly and polite enough with Fili and he admired both the brothers but Kili’s sprightly manner and eagerness just captured and kept his attention. He noted things like Kili’s laugh and sense of humor, the way he held himself like the warrior he was, his skill with weapons and his confidence. Ori felt like a bumbling idiot next to those two. He had no great skill with arms; he didn’t even have a proper weapon besides his slingshot, if that even counted as a weapon. He was quicker to feel fear and he had the least amount of experience out of all the members of the company, he might as well have stayed or switched places with Bilbo for all the good he’d do. He watched Kili take down the supply pack from one of the ponies and wished he could be as great as him, he wished he could get a chance to impress him and show him that there was more to him than just knit wear and paper and his lousy slingshot. He hadn’t even had a proper conversation with him yet. ‘It’s cause he’s always with Fili. There’s no separating those two from each other’ thought Ori. ‘I’m not even that close with my brothers.’ He knew it was ridiculous but Ori felt a slight twinge of jealousy towards Fili for the intimacy he had with Kili.

What Ori would give to have that kind of relationship with him, to get to share his thoughts with him, show him his sketches, learn how to hunt with him, talk about their hopes and apprehensions. It was all, just a buoyant dream for Ori, though. He didn’t really think Kili noticed him at all.

 

Feeling rather low and not wanting to deal with his brothers coddling him, Ori quickly helped set up camp then wandered off a bit in search of a decent place to write or draw. He always liked doing his writing and sketching alone because he felt self-conscious when the others were around and he feared someone might take his more personal journal and read all the thoughts he so dearly wanted to keep secret from the others, especially Kili. Sometimes he would catch himself staring too long at him, admiring his profile and wishing he could figure out what to say to engage him. Would he be interested in birds and flowers and the beauty of the written word?

 

What was worse, though, was when he would turn a bit and find himself being stared down by Fili, in an almost accusing way. Fili was very in synch with and protective of Kili and he was always very observant of the little things around them. Ori had rather hoped that Fili would ignore him the first time he got caught but from then on Fili kept an even closer eye on him and Kili.

 

After promising his brothers he wouldn’t be far, he detached himself from the group and walked about for a few minutes. Strolling through the woods he found a large, old oak that provided ample shade and protection in case danger was near. He plopped himself down, opened his pack and took out his quill, ink bottle and black leather journal, already rather worn and bent at the spine. He flipped through the pages until he reached a blank one and began to write but stopped as he realized that at the moment he rather felt like sketching instead. In his journal were detailed drawings of the mountains, flowers, birds, and important pieces in their journey such as Smaug (what he imagined him to look like), the key of Thrain, and the map of Thror. Today, though, he felt like drawing something different. He felt so troubled in his heart and mind by what he was feeling; maybe it would help if he tried to express it by letting his hands build a pattern on their own. He didn’t want to waste what little ink he had, though, so he decided to draw the first image that came to mind and unsurprisingly that was Kili. Sighing at his own foolishness he began to draw Kili’s face. He found the experience somewhat cathartic and drew every feature almost lovingly. He achingly sketched in those shapely lips and endearing eyebrows, that aquiline nose and angular jaw, his dark scruff that had yet to grow into a beard, those intense eyes, and that head of soft, dark brown hair that fell to his shoulders. Just as he was finishing the shadowing he heard the crackle of dried leaves and immediately closed the book and reached for his slingshot. He nervously glanced around. ‘Please let it be a squirrel or a rabbit.’ “Whatchu doing?” said a soft voice. Ori nearly jumped out of skin. He quickly spun around to see that the voice belonged to Kili, which made this situation worse than if it had been a squirrel or a rabbit. Kili had that infuriatingly sunny smile on his face again and for a few moments Ori’s heart jumped into his throat and his mind was clouded, preventing him from forming a coherent response. Realizing that he was probably gaping at him like a fish, Ori quickly shut his mouth and tried to look less shocked.

 

“Um,uh , hello, Kili. I was just..um..writing in my journal. You know, documenting the trip for future reference. So, um, what’re you doing here? Where’s Fili?”

 

“Oh he’s helping with the fire. He’ll probably be around in a few minutes. I just thought I might find you and see what you’re always doing on your own.”

 

“Well, now you know, and now you realize it’s not anything particularly interesting…”

 

“That’s for me to decide. Ha!” Kili quickly snatched up the journal that Ori had hastily discarded. Ori tried to make a grab for it but Kili was too fast for him, he jumped back and flipped through the pages. He stopped at a drawing of finch and studied it with a rather impressed expression on his face.

 

“Why Ori, this is really very beautiful. Why would you want to hide this from anyone?”

 

“That’s not what I’m hiding, I mean…wait, no, I’m not hiding anything. Please just give it back to me alright, I’m not finished.” ‘Drat the line of Durin’ thought Ori.

 

“Wait a bit, I want to read some of this.” At that point Ori had a moment of panic and actually jumped Kili, trying to wrest the book from Kili’s much stronger hands. What went from a mild tussle turned into a full on wrestling match in the glade. Kili took it as a game and was actually laughing, not seeing that Ori was in distress. One thing led to another and Ori found himself holding his journal above his head whilst straddling a laughing Kili.

 

“You’re a lot stronger than you look, you know. You put up a fight almost as much as Fili. We should do this again.”

 

Ori got a bit distracted when he saw their position and he felt a blush coming on. He also found the mention of Fili’s name irritating for some reason and scathingly answered “You know I would’ve preferred being alone to having to fight for possession of my personal journal which by the very name itself means that it is PRIVATE! Now I’m not particularly fond of random tussles, if you want that sort of thing just stick with your brother and leave me in peace.” He rolled off Kili and pulled his knees to his chest and folded his arms, internally cursing the line of Durin, his infatuation, and emotions in general. Kili’s face went from surprised to apologetic. “I’m sorry, Ori. I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just that you’re always so distant and Fili and I just figured that you didn’t particularly like us. Do we assume correctly?”

 

They stayed like that for a few moments, staring at each other and wondering. “It’s not that I dislike you. You couldn’t be more wrong about that. I just find you both so intimidating sometimes and for the longest time I didn’t think either one of you even noticed me. I’m sorry if I seem a bit stand-offish. I do want to be your friend, though. I mean, the closer the company is the better, right?” “Right. So how about this? Why don’t you join us on the first watch tonight and we can talk a bit and maybe practice some swordplay?” “I’d like that very much, Kili, thank you.” They smiled at each other, Kili grinning broadly and Ori rather shyly.

 

Ori felt a rush of affection for Kili as he realized that not only had the warrior noticed him, but he had also been afraid that Ori had not liked him. He could’ve stayed like that forever, having Kili beaming at him as the sun set, transforming the world into a gold-tinged dream and making Kili look more like an elf than a dwarf. Possession of all the gold in Erebor seemed to hold less appeal to him than possession of this one dwarf’s heart. Suddenly, they heard Fili’s voice calling through the trees, “Oi! Kili, Ori, suppers ready and it’s getting dark. Back to the camp site!” Kili jumped up and offered his hand, which Ori took gladly, and helped pull him up. Ori tried to recall exactly how that hand felt against his and many nights from this one he would still think of those hands and long for them. As they walked back they began to hear the usual dwarvish noise and banter and as they entered the fire light they were met by Fili, who greeted and surveyed both of them before leading Kili away by the shoulders. “You two have been a way for a while. What’d you get up to?” “Oh nothing much, but I’ve invited Ori to join us on the watch for some conversation and sword practice. I hope you don’t mind, I just thought it’d be a good idea if we all got to know each other better seeing as we’ll be around each other for a long time. Besides, Ori’s a good sort and you’ll like him.” “I’m sure I will.”

Fili glanced back at Ori, a knowing smile playing on his lips and his eyes twinkling with mirth. Ori wasn’t very sure what that look meant but he had a feeling Fili had something planned for him, though whether it was for good or ill he couldn’t say.


	2. Past Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before Ori can do anything about his feelings for Kili he has to get through one wall of fire: Fili.

Spending time with the two heirs of Durin had turned out to be a lot more fun and interesting than Ori had anticipated, although that fun caused much bruising on Ori’s part. Kili and Fili had made it their personal mission to make a warrior out of him and they had risen to the challenge rather magnificently. Ori had to deal with blocking Kili’s swift blows whilst trying to listen to Fili shout footwork techniques. Since that night they all shared the watch Ori had written in his journal less and less because of how occupied he suddenly was. The unfortunate incident with the trolls had made Thorin even more cross with his nephews and they were now doing their best not to put any toes out of line.

When they reached Imladris it took Ori’s breath away and he was disappointed that they hadn’t stayed longer. He knew that Thorin had seen much more and had more reason to be distrustful of others but standing on the moonlit balcony and looking out on the Hidden Valley, he just couldn’t believe that the creators of such beauty could be as bad and craven as Thorin claimed. As they climbed the mountain pass and left the valley, Ori glanced back one last time and as he turned away he saw that Kili was also looking back at Rivendell with the same longing. It gave Ori great happiness to know that Kili did not share the same close-minded prejudices of his uncle.

Ori had thought he fancied Kili before really getting to know him, but now he realized that it was so much more than that. Kili had so many different layers to him and with each conversation another was revealed and Ori went over each with fascination and care. They had had so many talks and even when they spoke of the most ridiculous and silly things Ori felt like he’d had the best conversation in his life. He never tired of hearing Kili’s voice or seeing the way his face lit up when he talked about things he loved like archery and his home in the Blue Mountains. So many times he wanted to take Kili’s face in his hands and kiss him, or take him in his arms and rest his chin on his head. He could read Kili’s body language now and knew when to leave him alone or when to pursue a topic that might be painful for him, like the death of his father. It had happened more than forty years ago on a hunting trip and he and Fili and had been scouting ahead when they were attacked by orc raiders. They had been greatly outnumbered and many in their group had not made it back. Their father had died taking an arrow that would’ve killed Fili. It had only been their third time hunting with their father.

“Do you and Fili ever talk about it?” Ori asked cautiously. “We have spoken about it and I always tell him not to blame himself. The weeks after it happened were the worst. I would hear him crying at night when he thought I was asleep, and in the mornings he’d be cold and indifferent, which to me was even worse than seeing him cry. He’s better now but he’s not the same dwarf he was before that, I don’t think I’m the same dwarf either. We’ve both become really protective of each other since then, and if there’s one thing in this world I can’t live without it’s Fili.”

Since their near death experience in the caves, he , Fili and Kili had become closer than ever, lagging behind the others to joke and try to trip each other up. One time Ori managed to start a tickle fight with Kili, something he hadn’t done with his brothers in years. Thinking about it later, Ori blushed remembering their proximity, how strong Kili’s hands were, and how close he had come to pressing his lips to Kili’s in the rush of the moment.

Going through the bee farm and flower garden to get to Beorn’s cottage had turned out to be rather humorous for Ori and Fili as Kili, the warrior who could face down trolls, orcs and goblins without any hesitation, was terribly afraid of bees. Unfortunately for him, Beorn’s bees were unlike any they’d ever seen before and were as big as their toes. Kili practically cowered behind his brother and Ori had to drag him along , whispering encouraging words and covering his ears to block out the buzzing sound that seemed to set Kili off.

“I could just wait back here, you know! We’re not even sure he’ll let us stay!”

“Come on, Kili. They’re just bees.”

“THEY ARE NOT JUST BEES! They’re like servants of evil in insect form! Just look at them!”

“Get a grip, brother, we don’t have time for this!”

“Would it help if we covered your eyes and ears on the way?” asked Ori, who found it adorable that someone as brave as Kili could fall apart at the sight of bees.

“…yes, that might help…”

So that is how they moved along, with Kili blindfolded, his ears covered by Ori and being led by Fili until they reached the point where Gandalf instructed them to wait.

 

Ori had learned early on that there was no getting to Kili without going through Fili first so he decided that if he was really going to try pursuing this love he’d have to get this one obstacle out of the way. Fili had become more amiable and seemed to trust Ori now but he still gave him looks of warning whenever he caught him staring at Kili for too long. It had been a full week since the terrifying events in Goblin Town and their narrow escape from Azog. They were currently staying with Beorn but from the conversations between Gandalf and Thorin that he overheard they would be leaving soon for Mirkwood, and if the rumors were true, this part of the journey would be the most perilous yet.

Ori saw his chance to confront Fili when everyone had finished dinner and had taken out their pipes.

“Um, Fili…might I have a word with you alone outside?”

Fili hesitated for a moment then nodded, raising himself out of his chair and following Ori outside. Kili followed them with his eyes but knew better than to eavesdrop on them. He hated admitting it to himself but he had come to like Ori more than he should and he worried that maybe his affections were not reciprocated. “Why would he like me anyway?” thought Kili. “Why would he even look at me when there’s Fili who is stronger, braver, and smarter than me? I don’t even have a beard yet! He deserves someone like Fili. That’s probably why he’s called him outside, to tell him how he feels. Well, I’ll try to be happy for them. It wouldn’t do to ruin things for them by being a jealous git.”

Meanwhile, Ori took Fili by the arm and led him to a small clearing not too far from the cottage and got straight to the point. “Fili, I am in love with your brother and I think you’ve known this for a while but I sense that you don’t approve of me. I know I’m not of noble birth and I’m not much compared to either one of you but I love Kili and I would do anything for him. I ask only for your approval.”

Fili gave him a searching look before speaking. “I know you love my brother but you’re wrong in thinking that I don’t approve you. I think you are a good person and your heart is true. It’s just that after what happened the last time someone courted Kili, I have problems trusting anyone with him. You see, about twenty years ago an dwarf warrior named Harin that we used to train with had started showing interest in Kili and Kili, being young and new to love, readily opened himself up to him. At first it had seemed perfect and he was all Kili could talk about. But then one night Kili didn’t come home and we couldn’t find him anywhere…not until dawn. His hair was tousled and he looked desolate, he wouldn’t say anything for a while but then he just broke down and started crying and everything came out. Apparently, Harin had taken him for an evening stroll and they went into the woods. At first they had only kissed but then Harin had asked for more and Kili wasn’t ready for that yet. When he refused, Harin got angry and said that Kili didn’t really love him and if he did then he would give himself fully. Well, that made Kili guilty and he finally relented, but Harin was rough and he hurt Kili. When he was done with him he got up and left, just like that, not even apologizing or bringing Kili back home. He just left Kili, heartbroken, confused, upset…I can’t believe how heartless he was. Well, long story short I found the beast and beat him so senseless he left town and never returned. I’d never felt so angry in all my life. Kili, never loved again after that. He got better and became cheerful and lively again but he could never bring himself to ever truly open himself up to others enough to feel the way he did with Harin. But you’re different…he trusts you and he comes alive when he’s around you. A lot of the things he’s told you he’s never told anyone else. I’m sorry if I’ve made myself into a wall around Kili, it’s just that I’ve already lost my father and if Kili gets hurt again I might lose my brother. Look, you have my blessing, I know you care about him and want to make him happy. Just promise me that you will never ever hurt him.”

Ori was silent for a moment. He could not believe that Kili, a dwarf that brought sunshine and laughter wherever he went and smiled more than anyone else except perhaps Bofur, could have a past that painful and not show it. How could anyone want to hurt him like that? How could anyone damage someone as precious as Kili?

“I promise.”

“Then I guess we should get back to the others.”

Fili smiled at Ori and together they returned to the cottage, both of them feeling lighter than before.

Kili saw them enter, and watched as they exchanged grins before moving to their respective cots. Fili saw Kili’s face and knew almost instinctively that Kili was hurt, and he wanted very much to tell him that his sadness was based on a false assumption but he knew that it should be Ori who reveals the truth.

The next day they set off for Mirkwood with Beorn’s ponies carrying most of their gear and food. Kili tried to be cheerful but he couldn’t help feeling dejected and he knew that his brother was hiding something from him.

On the third day out Fili cornered Ori. “Would you tell him already? He’s been moping since we left the cottage and I can’t bear seeing him like this. He hates it when I hide things from him.”

“Not yet. I’m looking for the right moment.”

“Well find the ‘right moment’ soon, okay?”

Days passed and they finally reached the entrance to the only safe road that led through Mirkwood. The dwarves were already depressed after learning that Gandalf would not be going with them and seeing the path that awaited them did nothing to improve their mood. Looking on the twisted trees and impenetrable darkness of the woods, Ori felt his spirits sink even further. Even the battle hardened dwarves like Dwalin could not hide their apprehension.

They let the ponies go. Gandalf left. There was no turning back now that they had gotten this far. Plunging into the forest, they left the world of sunlight and entered into the shadowy depths that seemed to go on forever in all directions. Ori felt a nudge at his side and saw Kili there, offering a small smile that gave Ori so much comfort. Looking into those warm brown eyes heartened him more than anything else. He returned the smile and felt the darkness leave his heart, filling itself with his love for Kili instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I am terrible when it comes to updating things and working at a decent pace.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I wanted to put these two together because I thought it would be the sweetest thing for the shy, polite little Ori to fall hopelessly in love with the not too bright warrior. This is the first fic I've ever written and I'm glad it's this pair. Hope you like it!


End file.
